i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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