had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i dont even know how to be here
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This baby is an asshole
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
