Your mouth is God's brothel.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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