I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
