Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
