Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
