i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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