At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
