At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
