Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
