Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
