Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You are the jesus of drinking
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
