I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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