I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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