do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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