so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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