I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
