Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
North Korea, Best Korea!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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