Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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