Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
