She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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