Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
