wat bout pragnant strippers??
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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