Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
