i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
