I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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