Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
