Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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