i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize