I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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