So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
