ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
