Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
