goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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