But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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