I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize