nut hugger
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
