i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
