She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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