Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
