That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
