god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
