i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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