is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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