lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
