let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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