Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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