dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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