this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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