Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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