i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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