Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
