Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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