She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
