So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
