You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
