How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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