We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
