I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Randomize
