I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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