just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
