he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
