Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
