I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
