these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
