What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry about my life...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
