apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
