You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
