an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
