is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
