Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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