Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
