I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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