So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize