apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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