I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
