do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
