Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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