weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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