Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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