Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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