just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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